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my x has never paid child support. When i tried to talk to him and ask for help he threatened to sue?

My x husband and i divorced 6 years ago, we had 2 children together. He got into drugs and became violent so i had to leave. We agreed on child support for the 2 girls at 25% of his net income and he would pay for their health insurance. I have 100% physical custody. He has never once paid child support; and he backed out about half of his weekends when we lived in California. he did add the girls to his insurance last year and he paid for a season of soccer. I have since remarried (3 years ago) and had a son. We had to move out of California because of the crashing economy and increasingly high rent. My x signed a visitation modification and only wanted the girls for 4 weeks in the summer. He never calls them, didnt send them christmas presents, didnt even call my oldest daughter on her birthday. He does pay for them to fly from Texas to California every year. My husband now is an amazing man. He loves my girls like his own children. We have paid for everything. We have never had a vacation,or even a weekend together. We have never even been able to afford a family vacation. Our finances have been hard especially on my husband because he went from a single man to an instant Dad to two girls over night, and we had a son about a year later. This year i had enough. He drove out to get the girls for the summer, He drove up in a new car and apparently he got married (they walked in with huge rings) and never told the girls. He supports his wife who doesn't work and her parents are moving in with them and they are all buying a 5 bedroom house in California together. I guess im playing the "its not fair card", I just want him to help out with the kids. With his income of 55K a year according to every child support calculator i have tried it states that even with the travel expenses every year that he would owe about $800 a month. He told me that he could afford $450 and he wants extra time with the kids and i have to wave all back child support and if i dont do what he asks, he will sue me for full custody and make me pay child support. What do i do? We dont have money for a lawyer and im not willing to give him extra time when he has never paid a single child support payment. I have told him in the past he can fly out and see the girls any time he wants or he can fly them out for any school break. I want them to have a good relationship with him. I pay for their own phone so he can call them anytime he wants (he calls maybe once every 2-3 months....he hardly even returns their calls when they try and reach out to them. Why does he only now ant extra time when i ask him to help with the kids? My girls are very happy and involved with the community. They play sports, have tons of friends and are doing excellent in school. They dont even enjoy spending time with him. Its not even a safe environment. He sells drugs (i cant prove it, but he has told me many times that he grows and sells weed...actually he tried to sell me some the last time he drove out he had a softball sized amount in the back of his truck....i tried to call the cops but for some reason CHP and the local police dont talk; and i dont want my girls to be there when he gets arrested). Should i just let him pay $450 a month? I dont want him to be destitute, i dont want him to be screwed financially...but i do want help with the kids expenses. sorry long story..needed to vent after getting off the phone with my x

Public Comments

  1. Errrr....I didn't read the long story, but I would like to see him take you to court and sue you over him not paying any child support. More than likely, you will not only win, but get an increase, too. I wouldn't even wait on him. Call the courthouse and tell them the story.
  2. Have you gone for a new custody paper in Texas ? amended child support. He won't win custody. don't worry about that. If the kids are still considered citizens of California he could go thru that court and you'll not get notice,possible. so prove they are legal where they live and go use the legal team at the local child support office. been thru it a few times and my x got extradited to town where I live and he had to pay.. he also got the responsibility of those cell phone bills and supervised visits after trying those custody tactics. Judges aren't stupid,
  3. Contact a legal aid attorney in your community. They are free or will charge based on your salary. He probably can not get the children from you at all, especially since he has not paid child support in the past. Talk to the attorney. I think you will find that he does not have a foot to stand on. He will even have to pay back child support too, more than likely.
  4. Let's use some logic here. There is no way on God's green earth he is going to get full custody of the kids. Why? Because clearly your kids are old enough to talk. A judge would want to know if he has kept up with his child support payments. Since he has paid nothing, a judge would be appalled at that. On top of it, your kids can clearly tell a judge how little they see him, that he does not send gifts, that he never calls and that he has been an absentee father. They will also tell the judge how happy they are in their new community. Sue this man for every penny of that child support. There is no way he is going to be destitute and if he is, he needs to get another job.
  5. "you" can't waive back child support , that money is owed to the state. Just cut the drug dealer out of your life which is what's best for your kids.
  6. Even when the father is in the best circumstances, the court does not take kids away from their mother. I live in TX as well and just went through this custody nonsense with my ex. Texas is a mother-friendly state. So long as the mother plays an active role in her childs life and offers her kids stability, there is absolutely, positively no way that man can take your children. He is trying to scare you into saving his butt some money. He has walked out of his children's lives and chose a life of drugs over his own offspring... I would be infuriated. He has cost his daughters the chance at having a healthy relationship with their biological father. Dont let this slide, please. Document everything he says and every time he has bailed on your girls to be held against him in court. Your daughters are too young to speak up for themselves so you need to do it for them. That money could be used to put towards college or other things. You owe it to your children to get their money from their father. Dont play the victim anymore... be strong for their sake and take back what's rightfully theirs.
  7. did you actually get a divorce ? a final decree it should state all the monthly child support.if so never the less he should be on it. i know i ve been divorced with children. talking him one on one will get you useless. seek your state attorney general to get help ,they will help you out more than your ex also you can talk a.g where you got divorce.no lawyer just a.g.you had the kids all this time you should protect ya selves.don t get bullied.if he is the dope dealer he has a little chance he can have visitation rites just look on divorce papers what it say goes also you agree on anything ,like travel expend s for the kids to see there dad or mutual it s in both of your hand s.just read the final decree. anyways why are you felling sorry for his money prob s.let go ,go on with ya s life he want s to be a part of the kids in life let him show his support. call a.g
  8. He can't sue you and win - it is not going to happen. He can sue you for anything he wants, you know. It is up to the Court to listen to both sides and make an opinion / ruling. It sounds like hot air to me, coming from the current wife because she can't stand him sending out that much money to you and your precious children. Even if you and your current husband support the children, they are entitled to support from the biological Father. He is as responsible for them as you are. Don't let him think otherwise. Also, the children need both of you in their life. See the links below, including a document written to help parents. It helped me. You need to make sure there is written orders for child support registered with the court. Do not accept or believe any promises made by him. If he does not have wage garnishment, you will never be sure he is giving you what he ca afford. He could be lying to you about what he makes. Don't believe him. Let the Child Enforcement deal with him. They are good at it and are used to dealing with people trying ot hide their money. Get it done though the court. The children have been living with you. The court will notice that. He is trying to scar you into getting his support reduced. Don't let him. If he can afford to buy a 5 bedroom home California (I live here and I can't afford it) he can afford to pay you child support. Please go through the wage garnishment process with him. You need an attorney. Reference this site for free legal advice. I ran across this site when I was looking for legal advice. It is free and has real / licensed lawyers. Don’t forget, lawyers will meet with you for an initial meeting for free. Also, nowadays, many lawyers will make arrangements with you for payments on a weekly, bi-weekly basis. Don’t forget, licensed professionals, like everyone else, are having a hard time making ends meet. They are willing to work with you. Just get out your telephone book and start calling them (if you don’t want to check out the site). Peace. ☺♥☻
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